Forty Today….And Can’t Quite Get My Head Around It.

24 Oct

Of course, it’s not as though I didn’t know this was coming.  The whole point of having an ‘F-List’ was to try and cross off things I had wanted to achieve before I was forty.

My neigh-bour.  Did you see what I did there?  He sang 'Happy Birthday' to me just after I took this.

My neigh-bour. Did you see what I did there? He sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me just after I took this.

I didn’t manage to tick them all off but I don’t really care about that now because the one item on my list which was most important to me I did manage to tick off and seeing as that’s taken up an awful lot of my time, I’m happy to sacrifice the other items for it.
I was meant to be in Paris today; it’s one of my favourite places in the world and I had originally intended to enter my forties whilst there.  My hospital stay put paid to that so instead I’m going to have a Paris-themed party here, on 24th November.  There is no way I can contemplate a party right now; yesterday I had to go back to Queen Square to get a pressure adjustment done on my shunt as the pressure was feeling too high for me to cope with.  I called Simon Thompson (honestly, that guy is a saint) and of course he told me he could see me that day and to just come up.  So he reduced the setting from twelve to eleven.  I knew that by doing this it would mean I would be feeling pretty rough on my fortieth birthday as my brain really, really doesn’t like pressure changes.  But that couldn’t be helped; high pressure in the brain is not something you should hang on to.  So today, I feel physically pretty bad.  As far as my feelings about turning forty are concerned, I’m finding it all a bit odd to get the hang of.  I think that’s because I’ve been preoccupied with trying to sort my poorly brain out for weeks now and it does rather take up all ones energy, both physically and emotionally. Funnily enough, I had started to hanker for my thirties, for the chance to have them again but this time whilst being well instead of having surgery every six to seven months throughout the whole decade.  But in recent months, especially since I started working on my shunt donation project, I have come to realise something which I’ve always known, deep down; that I haven’t lost out on anything.  I have simply been going through a stage of my life which has been very challenging but I am a) surrounded by family and friends who’ve supported me throughout and b) I am still here! Twenty brain surgeries and no major complications; that’s pretty good going.  This morning I woke up to an email from George Samandouras, saying he’d be happy for me to link to his blog on mine, following my request.  He also congratulated me on my blog, saying it was very well-written.  I feel completely honoured by that seeing as he’s my blog inspiration.  Please read his; it’s SO worth your finding the time to, I promise (click on his name above to go straight to it). So that was a great start to my birthday.  I then managed to walk to the farm behind my home to say hello to the horses (and sheep and hogs) to get a bit of fresh air.

They tried singing but it didn't sound that great, to be honest.

They tried singing but it didn’t sound that great, to be honest.

  This afternoon my Mum, Dad and brother turned up with cards, presents and a massive cake.  My brother, Luke, seemed as excited as he used to get on our birthdays when we were children.  He was literally skipping around the living room, plonking presents in my lap and urging me to open them.  He’s forty-two. Mum’s message to me on my card from her and Dad was so moving I could hardly read it.  I may have had a very pressured brain but it couldn’t spoil the wonderful thing that is family.  It was a lovely afternoon but now I’m wiped out so Hoshi and I are chilling on the sofa, enjoying the new Muji Aroma Diffuser my brother bought for my present; it’s right up my alley.

I love my Muji.

I love my Muji.

It uses ultrasonic waves to diffuse essential oils into a fragrant mist which constantly pours into the room and it glows.  It’s beyond brilliant.  I like things which light up (tick) and I like things which smell nice (tick).It’s pouring out lavender and orange blossom essential oils as I type; heaven!
I’m a lucky person.  I have a wonderful family, I have wonderful, understanding friends, I have an amazing home which I adore, I am able to hold down a job despite having a chronic condition and I am happy.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  Not even my hydrocephalus and that’s the truth.  It’s made me a stronger person than I was and if I didn’t have it I wouldn’t appreciate as much in life; this I know because I was diagnosed when I was twenty-six and even though that may be put down to immaturity, I certainly took a lot for granted back then.  Chronic pain is hard to cope with but you find a way of coping and the little things (enjoying nature, seeing your friends, feeling a sense of triumph if you complete a days work) take on value which you never realised before.  If I can just get my head to behave a little more than it is now, I will look forward to my forties.  I have my F-List to tick off (oh yes, I’ll do all of it!) and I can’t wait to crack on when Lewis is back with our proposal (to the government in Vietnam, not one of marriage!).  And if things get tricky on the health front….well at least my home will smell amazeballs.

2 Responses to “Forty Today….And Can’t Quite Get My Head Around It.”

  1. beckymayrhofer October 24, 2013 at 8:34 pm #

    Happy Birthday 🙂 Forty is not bad at all, I am 41 now and so far I have found my forties to be quite liberating. I am doing all the things I put off when I was younger because I was unsure about trying them (like writing my stories) and said “who cares” if people like them great, if not oh well, I’m enjoying what I’m doing. It sound like you had a great time with family and the Paris themed birthday in Nov sounds fun 🙂 Enjoy this time, it really isn’t that bad, I wouldn’t turn back the clock for anything! Continue on with what you are doing and continue healing, I love reading your stories!

    • jordantheheadcase October 24, 2013 at 9:27 pm #

      Aw thank you! I do think there is something in people feeling more confident and more able to do what they need to in order to be truly happy, as everyone seems to agree! My life now isn’t how I imagined it would be when I turned 20 but as I said, I wouldn’t change it. I may not be married, in a full-on career or a mother, but I have challenges to face of a different sort and I am happy with the very many blessings I have. And I have three quarters of a massive chocolate birthday cake left in the fridge!! x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: